I don’t know. I don’t have the answers. I’m guessing you don’t either. Every week there are new challenges, new info, new projections. Today the price of oil went negative. I don’t fully know what that means but it sounds pretty fucking bad.

It’s a hard time to reason about, both personally and professionally. It’s even harder time if you’re trying to make decisions and lead a team of people through all of this.

I’m hearing a lot of people say they don’t know what is happening either. That’s a real thing. This is new for all of us. But I don’t think it’s fully reflecting how I feel about my day to day. I’m not seeing is the people saying despite everything, I think I know what to do, but my confidence isn’t as strong as it once was. That’s me. Is it false confidence? I don’t know. Is it okay? Not sure about that either. Maybe it’s harder in some ways. Should I feel more wrong? Am I under-reacting?

Maybe. But I do know that despite everything, that I have a roadmap to execute. I have a team of people that are looking for guidance and reassurance. I know I can do those things. Maybe I can’t tackle all of the big scary problems right now, but small superficial things? Certainly.

So maybe I should focus on the superficial things, because they’re easier to grasp. I can lean on that and at least make some decisions, no matter how limited they may be in value. There’s value in that in and of itself. Making some amount of progress no matter how small is a good thing right now. I should at least do that.

I know intuitively it’s okay not to have the big picture figured out right now - whether our roadmap needs to be blown up is the gremlin sitting in the corner waiting its turn to speak. It’s hard to know how things will look in one month, let alone a quarter or a year. What was planned may still be right, but maybe it’s more truthy. Maybe it’s written in pencil rather than pen. What’s right today might be wrong next week. That has to be okay.

Making decisions and leaning into them is the scary part of leadership, even in the best of times. You’re taking a chance, betting on your decisions with decision making skills that have been calibrated over years of experience and process that larger no longer apply. The only way I know to baby step my way through this is to lean on what I know for sure. Use my strengths. Lean in to the areas of confidence, but take a small step further and reach out through the void one arms length at a time. Find the light switch on the wall and turn it on. If only to find the next point of illumination.